Climate change action? It's a waste of time..

Let's face it kids - it's too late. All this gnashing and wailing is just creating even more hot air.

Fact is, in the short term, we're fuct. But don't let that get you down. I think there's still plenty of fun to be had on this planet, especially if you're of the hedonistic bent. Spiritual hedonism, that's what I'm advocating. It's radical. Basically I'm saying: just really start to enjoy life. That's right, enjoy every single fcuking minute of it; love it, lap it up, LIVE it!. Trust me, it will work. Its reverse polarity will create a vortex, a bit like when Superman flew round and round the world really fast so it went backwards, so he could save Lois Lane.

All you bleaters, you're being conned, sucked into a vacuum of negativity. Don't you get it you suckers? The more you bleat, the more there is to bleat about! Enjoy life. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Dance round the maypole, swing from the chandeliers, embrace random animals, leap for joy!

Hooray, hoorah and huzzah!

Okay, now onto other matters: washing powder wears your clothes out. Use liquid, every time. Trust me on this.

And finally, I've been thinking, deaths. On the news, every day, it's deaths, deaths, deaths. This person died, that person died. Especially amazing, special people: ooh, this amazing special person died, that amazing special person died... on and on and on... well how come they never talk about all the amazing special people who've just been BORN? Huh? Work THAT one out suckers.

Laters potaters.